overthinking?

As I mentioned before, I am on the 'Freudian' side of things, and I believe things happen or occur for a reason.

I got fat for a reason, or a number of reasons, really.

So why am I stuck with the losing?

I have a fair idea.

So I asked myself what's so scary about losing weight, or rather, what's so scary about being thin (ner). And what my analysis comes down to is fear and insecurity. I know how to be fat. And I am not saying it is nice, but it is comfortable at times.

It's an excuse for myself and others.
It's a barrier for the world, not to come in, to get too close.
It's protection.
It's comfort - or food is.
It's easy, cause I know how it works.

What I don't know, is how to be thin.
Who would I be?
What would I do?
What's special about me then anymore? (because being overweight is sooo very special...)
How would people describe me, if not 'the big girl from the 3rd floor)?
How would I protect myself, if not by my weight barrier?
What if people come to close and hurt me?
What would be left of me?
What's gonna happen after the initial 'WOWs' about the loss fade?

I even made a PRO and CON list about weightloss - turns out my CON side is much longer... how pathetic is that....?

Or maybe I am simply over thinking things once again... who knows.