January

I went to a Body Pump class on Monday. Plus some warm up on the elliptical, and some cool down walking on the treadmill. Then I went to the sauna.

After that my foot got so bad, that I could not walk for 2 days. Fortunately, that is better now.

On Thursday, I had personal training. I warmed up on the elliptical for 40 minutes, did 45 minutes heavy weight  plus strength training with my trainer, then joined the 15 minutes core workout and after that I finished with some walking on the treadmill and went to the sauna again.

Yesterday, I went to a body combat class, which was great. So much fun and real intense. I had a heart-rate around 170 for almost an hour straight. I finished with some more walking and sauna.
I am sore as hell today. And tired. I guess I forgot how intense this class was.

That's 3 really intense sessions this week. And still I feel like I have done nothing. I guess it's January getting to me. I feel like the worst person in the world who will never be good enough for anything.

Because  haven't done this, not accomplished that, am still fat I am not good enough. I wonder if I will ever be good enough for myself.

I know I am on some days. Right now, I don't recall that feeling.

Even though, I don't feel like I go to the gym enough, am fit enough I wonder if I go so often, because I got nothing better to do. With very few exceptions ALL my friends are in relationships, having babies, being pregnant, buying houses.

I am not there yet. I don't want all that stuff yet (or do I?) - but it's just getting intensely lonely.

Or is it just January getting to me? The last couple of months were filled with new things and activities. Christmas always seems to be the kick-off to at least a month of boredom, sleepiness, darkness, boredom.

No wonder that statistically most suicides occur in January.  It's a depressing month.