After hitting rock bottom (because people like me?!?!) last Thursday and the trainer doing the perfectly right thing, I have been battling some internal struggles.
I felt like taking advantage of him, wanted him to leave me alone, stop treating me nicely. I didn't want to see him (in my eyes bother him) again, although training 3 times a week was HIS idea.
Leaving all that aside for a minute, I realized I just have to 'bear' this. Him wanting the best for me, people treating me nicely. Get used to it already, dumb ass. There's enough idiots (like my neighbor this morning who yelled at me for putting out the trash a day early) in the world who are gonna be rude and unfriendly, so you might as well start appreciating the ones who don't.
So that's what I'm trying to do now. Along with that, I trained last Thursday, Friday, yesterday, and tomorrow morning at 7 (!!!!!!). I usually don't even speak before 10. Let alone work out. Before work.
Seems like an insane idea. Yet, if that's what it takes, that's what I do (another line from my favorite band's song...)
Moreover, I agreed with him, that I will do the weigh ins in the gym now, every 4 weeks. He is gonna note down the numbers to keep track, without telling me, so I don't go nuts over them.
And last but not least, I will pick up sending a friend an email everyday, with my food intake. I tried that a while back, and it really worked (until it didn't). Being accountable and keeping track of everything made things hard - but at least I really was aware of what I put in my mouth. And remembering I have to write everything down, helped me from sneaking food by myself, if you know what I mean...
So there it is. Let's see how things go. I put in a killer work out yesterday, 40 mins elliptical, 10 mins rowing, half an hour of intense personal training and in the end 15 minutes abs, which turned out to be 25 minutes. I am sore as hell, but I feel good. And ever since Thursday my eating has been in control, too. Which might also be due to the fact that I received some very nice, thoughtful comments on my blog that really cheered me up. Thank you for that! I hope it stays like this for a while.
I've had enough of depression for this year!
Now I'll hit the bed early, so I can rise and shine for my morning workout.
Good night!
Wow, way to go on the exercise! That's impressive!
ReplyDeleteAnd you are SO not a dumb ass. I'm not a psychologist, obviously, but is that your dad talking through you? Some of the posts I read about your family and your dad in particular were really heart-wrenching. As usual, I can relate...except the cruelty came from my mom instead of my dad. Anyway, it can be overcome and thank goodness for therapy!
Have a great workout and a great day!