weekend issues

Apparently I am a weekend-mess-up.

During the week I am so busy that usually I am totaly exhausted by the weekend. Yet, there's so many things I put off during the week (supposed to be done on the weekend) that I am overwhelmed by the amount of things I should be doing on the weekend (when I actually should relax...)

So while usually being too exhausted to do much on weekends, (doing grocery-shopping even seems like too much of a task) I struggle with my bad conscience while hanging on the couch.

And guess what - I do that every bloody weekend!!

Also, whilst my eating is structured and usually good during the week, I go nuts on the weekend!

I HATE THAT! They say that insanity is defined by doing the same thing over and over again - expecting different results. According to this definition I must be somewhat insane.

Some smart people suggested (and it makes a lot of sense) to structure the weekends, with time to relax, time to meet friends and also plan in certain tasks.

Unfortunately I HATE plans. I hate all sorts of plans and structures put upon me, even if I do that myself. All it does for me is usually is evoke an internal revolt and then I sulk and do nothing.

Thats what too much pressure/structure does to me. And I know where this behaviour derives from - I am gonna skip the details here, but it's my past, my father of course who had the talent to make weekends a living hell.

Why do I have to re-create this notion over and over again? And hurt myself with it? Hurt myself with food, with the trouble I maneuver myself into when not taking care of tasks???

And most importantly, how do I change that? It seems some sort of structure is unavoidable for the future - but how do I learn to accept a structure and having to do things on weekends?

All I want on weekends is for everyone and everything to leave me alone cause everything just feels like it's too much - then I am lonely and feel unproductive, start hating myself for that and to supress these feelings, I eat! GRMPF!!

Where's the balance here, and how do I find - and implement it?

Anyone?