random collection of thoughts

I am trying to not judge myself for being absent from my blog for so long.

I will just get myself up, dust myself off and get back on track - once again. Like I always do. Because that's what it's all about after all, isn't it?

The least amount of people on this journey seem to be stable all the time - it's about hanging in there and to NOT give up!

And I won't - never have, never will. I might give up for a day, or too - when it all gets too much I still search comfort in eating. Which sooo is not working - cause it just leaves me feeling bad about it afterwards. So although it happens rarely, compared to before, other coping strtegies don't always work yet.

I have been on this road for 2 years now - and lost +- 27 kg / 59.5 lbs and lets say I am about half way there.

Who would have thought this would take so long - then again, IT is not gonna be over one day - this is what I have to keep on doing. If there is one thing I had to learn the hard way, it's that this is not a temporary diet and one day I will wake up and miraculously will be thin and happy...

That's the myth I was dreaming about all my teenage years... one day I will be thin an perfectly happy.

Nope - doesn't work that way. This "diet" will never end - this is a lifestyle that needs perseverance and little adjustments along they way, a slow change of habits over time - a road with loads of bumps and bruises...

I find both fear and comfort in that though - cause it means I have to give up on the freedom of eating and doing what I want, whenever I want. I have to have the stregth to restrict myself for my own good. And it's f**** hard at times.

On the other hand it get's easier. And as the road keeps on unfolding itself, there's so many new things and experiences I am now entitled to participate in - and it will be like that. Life will keep on unfolding itself and I can actually live it, instead of looking at it on a screen with a bag of (________) or a bar of (________).

So - I will walk a little part of the road today - first of all I will walk to my gym and do a Zumba class adn then see what else the road has got in stock for me.

Have a great Sunday everyone!