it's all comin back to me now

I didn't think this would be possible.

Not in a good way. 

I forgot about this. This is what I was running from. 

I am majorly depressed today. Seriously. I ate, watched crap on TV / Internet the whole day and slept. Slept the whole day down. Cause I cannot face anything right now. I have no energy to push, to run anymore. 

I wanna give up. Just for a little while - I am so tired. 

And I am ashamed, ashamed even to look my roommate and friend in the eye. I don't want her to worry or ask about me. And I know I should reach out isntead of holding it in. 

And I could - but I can't. I don't want to. Seems like I really wanto to be depressed. 

So this, again is what happens - I do it all, or I do nothing at all and get depressed - such a thing as a relaxed day with doing something fun like just reading a bloody book on a day off, not possible for me. Apparently. 

I hate this.