What if the weightloss one has achieved so far, has lifted the depression, the fear of living life, the starvation of participating in actual life, so that other things seem to have become more important, than just the focus on weight?
It's a good thing, right? Is it?
I am not losing weight anymore...
An I have not been blogging - instead i have been out partying, don't remember the last Saturday WITHOUT a hangover, quit my job, started a new one, reanimated the idea of having male humans in my life, extended my comfort zone, cut my hair for the first time since 2008, had a couple of visitors, almost had an affair with someone in a relationship which I am still seriously heart-broken about and cannot seem to get over, met people, tried a new class at the gym, made some new friends, got disappointed by others, fought with some, said goodbye to some who left the country, helped moving their furniture across town by public transport... i did it all - even had sex. (sorry if you didn't wanna know)... then there was Christmas and New Years.....
Now i am overwhelmed and worn out - have no idea how to absorb all that happened, desperately want to take it slow for a while, take a break, re-focus (on weightloss??) - but I am scared of missing out on life in the mean time, miss a party, a kiss, a new person I could meet....
I have been missing out on life so much life during the years I spent depressed and eating in front of the TV that I feel the need to catch up. So I keep running, pushing, facing things. I can never go back to where I come from - don't wanna spend my life in a dazing cloud of food, depression and TV - but I cannot do it all at once either.
I need to find balance. Between doing nothing and doing it all.
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