Ever noticed that being fat makes you invisible?
Although you are huge - people tend to not see you. Especially when you are fat and depressed and look down to the ground instead of keeping your head high.
I have been struggling to move on with my weightloss for a couple of months now - I haven't lost anything anymore and it is very frustrating.
It seems I have reached a critical point where people started to see me and give me attention. I notice people seeing me - and it freaks me out.
I went out on Friday with a very pretty girlfriend of mine - and 2 things happened.
I felt very inferior to her, because she is confident, sexy, has a good job and money and is comfortable with all the attention she is getting. She is exactly the same age as I am, recently bought a house, got contacted by a headhunter who offered her even more money than she is already making.
Me, I am struggling with a crappy job that I want to get out of, but cannot seem to manage, because I am so scared to find something new.
The second things was this really friendly guy, who just wanted to dance with me - he was very polite - but I HATED the attention. It made me feel so uncomfortable.
Also the bar tender that my friend flirts with all the time offered me a free drink, he had actually made it already and I refused it. Because I cannot let people give things to me. Not for free anyways.
And I did not feel I deserved it, I did not want to profit from her flirting.
Briefly after that happened, I left. Went home, sulking. And feeling like crap and eating crap all day on Saturday.
I hate attention. I simply hate it. I don't know how to react or behave if people pay attention to me, want to talk to me or whatever. I simply cannot let anyone close.
Which is exactly the reason, I have stopped losing weight. And I don't know how to proceed.
I don't know what to say about the attention....sometimes people are just being nice, like the bartender? And it's okay to accept it without any consequences. You need to start feeling better about yourself. I know what you mean about feeling inferior to your friends; I am the biggest of my friends, not yet settled in a career, still single, living with my parents. It can bring me down, but I try to focus on the positives (i.e. because I live with my parents I was able to go back to school again to find a career that I can stand to do for the rest of my life instead of being stuck!). REalize that you are losing weight for your health and future rather than for the attention you'll receive from it. Yes, probably the attention will come, and I guess it's something you'll have to learn to deal with. You've probably gotten to a point where you're comfortable with your weight loss, so you've stopped being as vigilant. Try to change the little things so you can stop losing again.
ReplyDeleteHey there..this is a very insightful post.
ReplyDeleteYes, I notice that being fat makes you invisible. I think it's very common to hide behind our weight. I know I do it. It's easier for me to hide behind my weight than to be vulnerable.
I have a friend who lost 140 lbs and had HUGE issues with attention afterwards. He just didn't know how to deal with it. He also had, (and I believe still has) problems accepting gifts.
I don't know how he ultimately resolved it, but I do believe he went to some counseling for a period of time to help him deal with it.
Is that something you would consider?
That is definately something i would consider. Actually I have been through a couple of therapies, the last one setting the grounds for actually being able to lose weight.
ReplyDeleteFinished that about a year and a half ago - and moved to another country in the meantime, so to be honest I am not so sure how things with therapy work here.... another thing on my list i need to figure out... thank you for your kind words.