I don't know what to do. I will never find a better job. I despise going back there tomorrow, especially now that another 2 of my favourite colleagues are gone.
My house is a mess. I need to do some cleaning. I need to do so many things and I don't know where to start.
My eating ahs been crap lately. Because I am so agitated lately that I cannot control it. And last night I had the biggest fear of slipping back to my old habits of eating, depression, lonelyness, fear.
I cannot let that happen. I CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN!
I can't get back to that miserable existence - still right now I fail to see what I have achieved, because it seems I am not moving forward at all.
It seems that way - still somewhere deep down I know it's not true. I have faced so many fears this past week - I have started taking better care of me and started figuring out my financial mess. My biggest fear. Which is probably also the reason why I am so agitated.
Still - it's never enough. Although I should be proud, all I see is how I have not cleaned the hosue properly, how I have not been to the gym often enough, how I have not eaten perfectly, how I have not done this and that, and .... you get the picture.
Now I really don't know what to do to make me feel better. Do I go to the gym? To my favourite Zumba class? Or do I go to the other gym, the ladies one, and go to another class there and then to the sauna? Do I stay home and take care of things here? Should I plan out my eating for this coming week (something I have never done before....?) Should I just go back to bed and feel miserable?
Should I apply for other jobs now? In my panicky mode? Should I call a friend?
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Well, first thing I actually did now, was making myself a healthy breakfast containing of fresh fruit, oats and yoghurt. Seems like a good enough start of the day.
Now we just see what happens..........
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