when Good is Bad - and I am an onion

I can't take it. I met some cute Dutch boy on Friday and he kissed me. I am meeting the guy I've had a crush on for half a year tomorrow. (a date?!?) I have not been seeing any men for almost 5 years.

My supervisor at work advised me to go for an open position to be supervisor myself. And that he would help me get the position.

I have lost quite a bit of weight recently. I went to the gym every single day since Saturday. I have muscles everywhere. I bought new clothes.

And I can't take it anymore. I am in tears, I am overwhelmed, I am so stressed - it's too good. I am so fucking nervous because of this date(?) tomorrow.

I talked to my mother on the phone just now, telling her I won't be coming home for Easter. (not safe to go there for me these days, too much negative energy and too much food after all) She always asks about my weightloss and I could tell her that I lost 23 kilos (50 lbs) by now, altoghether. For the first time she somehow expressed that she was proud of me... She would not say it directly of course - she said something like: *you can be proud of yourself* and *I never thought you would actually make it*. I know what she meant though. She is proud. She also said that she would wish for me some luck in the romantic department... ... ... my mother, really? She said that? WTF???

I always imagined / dreamed of weightloss like this miraculous sudden change - when people see the next day and say 'wow', you look great... That was the dream anyway. I have been on this journey almost a year now, I am far from my goal but I have reached several little ones and achieved a lot. And I had to realize what it takes - so much work, effort, time, brains, perseverance,...

And most importantly, the longer I am doing this, the more weight I lose, the more I realize how much internal, psychological adjustments it takes.

I feel like layer by layer I find something hidden underneath the excess weight, that needs to be dealt with. Simple things like people being nice and starting to talk to me (never happened before), expectations at work, men...

It's too much of the good stuff that I always wanted. How pathetic is that?