one month later

wow, I just realized it's been a whole months I've been hiding.

It was neccessary. I kept on reading blogs every day - but I could not post anything substantial.

For a while there seemd to be too many reasons not to lose weight. Of course I knew all along they were bullsh*it basically - but I needed to take these feelings seriously.

And I did - I struggled for a while, at a certain number, had to cross a certain line, had to push hard to get through it - and I did.

I have recently crossed the mark of 20 kilos (44lbs) - something that seemed unthinkable a year ago. And it took me one year to get this far.

I am still overweight, and I will need at least another year for me to reach a weight that I am comfortable with - but what I never realized is, that I would feel so much better already.

For me it was always *all or nothing* - but having lost that much makes a HUGE difference already.

Not only have a lost 21 kilos (46.2 lbs) to this day, but I also gained so much muscle. I am so f*ucking strong these days, it amazes me on a daily basis. I am proud when I can open or lift things, other people can't. I am amazed that I can get through a whole Zumba-class without stopping AND do some cardio before and after......

I am thrilled by how easy sit-ups can be, how many squats (with weights) I can do compared to the beginning.

I haven't been this *light* in more than 10 years. And probably never this fit ever since I was a child (or ever at all). I have no more old clothes in my closet that I can shrink into - I have outshrunk them all :-)

And surpassing this valley of the last month, I've realized another big change - I perceive myself differently - and people perceive me differently as well. I am no longer this super-big girl who stays away from things because she is scared. I am less scared. Of everything. It's hard to put it into words - but I feel more like I have *the right to be*...

All this struggling - it's all so worth it!

And by the way, some before and after pictures will be coming here soon....

Have a great Sunday everyone!