Do I want to lose weight? - No weigh out...

First of all - Thanks for the great comments on my last post... it helped a lot.

This last week really freaked me out. I have done so well - too well. I was eating well, excercising well, lost 3 pounds in a week. Great, one would think...

I still hate it. Makes me wonder if I actually want to keep losing. I don't know. Honestly -I don't know.



My weight has not been that low in about 6 years. And then, I was just briefly at my current weight before I gained it all back.



Now this body that is beginning to emerge is frightening me. I can move in a way I could never do before. I feel kinda comfortable most of the times. My clothes are too big. Ever since I started going to the gym and have personal training, I have changed so much - I don't recall ever being that fit - and I am still severly overweight.



So, the next steps will take me somewhere I have never been before in my adult life. The next losses will impact me even more I believe. When I was at this weight before, I was just passing it by on my way up. Now I am conciously going below.


I feel like my guard is down - I have nothing to protect me. And on another level I feel people getting closer which freaks me out totally. It's just simpel as people standing closer to me - when I usually would have backed off. Or something as simple as a nice colleague touching my arm or simply patting me on the back. It is nice somehow - but it freaks me out completely.


There is some sense in being fat - and feeling ugly and unattractive.

(Un)fortunately there is no way of going back. I was home alone all afternoon, there are tons of foot in the fridge - even chcolate and tiramisu - I could have had one hell of a binge. Or more even. I had breakfast with my roommate, carrots and cucumbers with cheese as a snack and some vegetable soup for dinner...


SO EVEN IF I WANTED - IT SEEMS LIKE I CANNOT GO BACK. The food didn't aapeal to me at all. I felt bad - but somehow I have realized that overeating doesn't make it any batter.

It really seems like I have passed the point of no return. I know it is a good thing - I just don't FEEL it yet.

Am I crazy? Can I not just be happy about it?? Why is something that good so scary???