how can one spend christmas with the family AND stay sane?

I have no clue. It's the 3rd day here in Germany with my family and I cannot wait to get back home to my beloved Amsterdam.

What I have realized here -is that I have changed - and my family has not. I have learned to be nice to myself and other, I have lerned to face my issues and challenge myself to a better, healthier person. They have not. And I doubt they ever will.

Well, who am I to think I know better? I don't have the right to judge - but I WANT TO!

Why is there so much disrespect? So much judgment? So many unfriendly, unloving words? Why don't they ever listen to anything? Why is everybody so egocentric? Why is there so much food?

This place, these memories, these people bring up these feelings of helplessness, powelessness, despereateness - I am tryong so hard to be the new me, but I seem to forget how far I have come when I get here. Only this family can make me feel this way.

Still, I am trying at least to see the positive aspects. I ate less that probably all Christmases before in my life.

I cannot chose my family - BUT I can choose my friends, and thanks for being there and listening you guys...

And, last but not least, I know that I have changed, because I feel the difference - so I try to look at this as a reminder for how far I've come.

There you go - all positive again! Ha!