comeback

I herewith officially declare my comeback. The marketing department will assign me a hot affair with a married man (or woman) who is 30 years older than I am and also I will claim to have gotten off the drugs recently (with Betty Ford or somethings alike...)

Of course I'll need a complete makeover, from blonde to brunette, or vice versa...

Well, bullshit aside, I am no Rockstar - although I am livin' on a prayer (which is more of a mantra) -
but I will make my comeback to blogging-world.

And indeed I have gotten off the drugs, which in my case was (just) medication. But I am off, and it was  hard enough

Being off medication / anti-depressants, makes me feel all these instense feelings. The first few days without the pills were a rollercoaster. And the more time goes by, the more I realize numb i was for such a long time. Before being on anti-depressants I ate, for ars and years, ever since I remember, since I was a child, I ate to handle/control/press down these feelings.
And looking back at it, I believe it's what kept me sane. Not healthy or happy, but sane. Otherwise I believe nowadays I would have gotten worse or gone insane.

So although I am sad about my body these days, I think it protected me from worse.

Well, nowadays as I can protect myself,  am slowly losing the (physical) protection.

Now that I am *sober* I am amazed and sometimes overwhelmed by the amount and clarity of all these feelings. I am also surprised and happy, that for the first time in my life I am consistant with weightloss. And its not a diet. I have changed. I don't  binge. I eat healthy stuff and like it. I don't (or very very rarely) overeat. I go to the gym, and I am starting to enjoy it, and moreover miss it when I don't go.
And on the avarage I have lost 2 kilos (sorry, too lazy to check what that is in lbs) every month since April this year.

So my complete makeover and new looks are coming slowly. Old pants that I could not even think about wearing half a year ago are getting too big now...

It's been a long fight, a long struggle, but deep inside I always knew that I would never give up. And I haven't - and I never will... the journey goes on.

Well, all my fellow Rockstars out there - Keep the Faith  - and Keep Living on your Prayer!