Pushing too hard

I've been doing too much - I am pushing too hard.

I am confronting the thought of guys /man in my life (more to come on that topic sooner or later), I got off my meds, I am working on a promotion at work, I'll have a conversation with my manager on Monday. (...) Right now I am on a trip to Germany where I have not had one minute to myself..

Yesterday I drove a long trip by myself to visit a friend with my mum's car - and I am not used to driving anymore. (Only bikes in Asmterdam) I had to concentrate so much, it took all my fucking energy and concentration.

When I got home, being exhausted and hungry there were too many people here. Don't get me wrong - I love to be with people, I am social and need lots of conversations - but I also need a break every now and then.

A friend of my mum was also here last night, commenting on my weighloss and how different I looked and that one could finally see my eyes (???) because according to her it seems even my eyes were hidden under fat (which I thought was true for my belly-button, but EYES?)
Anyways, she is really nice, she was really proud and happy, enthusiastic and motivating - but honestly, I do not look THAT different. I lost 24 pounds, not 240...

Then my best friend came over and I was so looking forward to just talking to her alone, relaxing, having a wine - instead we were dragged into playing cards with my mum and her friend. Which was a lot of fun, really, girly giggling and laughing all night - but also just another aspect in a long day.

I love my mum, but when I am here, there's barely five minutes that I can be alone, just to take a breath. Actually I am expecting her very soon to be asking me what I am doing right now. I am just not used to that anymore.

Right now I was actually planning on going swimming with my dear sister, but she can be such an unsensitive bitch sometimes. At breakfast this morning I was just calm and not feeling too good and instead of just leaving me alone everybody started teasing me for not being a morning person (which is not even true). But again, I am used to only have conversations with my coffee-mug in the morning, I have to start talking early enough at work - but waking up and talking right away? That can't be it.

So I was actually packing my back for swimming already, when I figured my sister would not be in an understandable, supportive mood because exposing myself in a bating suite is not the easiest thing to do. So I chickened out, deciding it would not be safe to go with her and I cannot take any stupid remark right now.

Now I think I should have gone swimming - I really wanted to, but not in that constellation.

There'll be other opportunities to go swimming I guess.