Lately I feel like past feelings and habits are creeping up on me. I feel like I am suffocating from the stuff I haven't handled yet, I get so scared by my financial situation and I feel so guilty about not taking care of things, and like I am not worth ever being debt-free that I cannot breathe.
I do earn a reasonable salary every month. All I need to do really is CONFRONT and ORGANIZE things.
Instead, for punishing me even more I am not taking care of myself. I keep on feeling guilty about that too. I don't eat healthy. I didn't go to the gym, I don't to the things that would relieve me and would take the weight off my shoulders.
My back hurts, I am in a bad mood. When I am at work I am concentrated and the other things disappear. As soon as I leave the office things are coming back to my mind and I start feeling guilty again.
So, I guess the plan is to proceed. Slowly. Maybe I should just GO to the gym tonight after work, to raise my mood, although I feel like I need to do more imprtant things to do instead of the gym. Grmpf!
But maybe, just maybe, if I work out I will feel better and manage things. Maybe they won't appear as heavy and unmanagable after that?
What do you think? Probably - as always most of it is just my perception of things. Maybe it is not that bad after all. Maybe - just maybe.
What pisses me off the most about this is, that I haven't been like that for quite a while. I used to wake up with this feeling of suffocation and guilt every morning. I used to feel so heavy and nervous and guilty in the morning that getting up was too much of a task sometimes. Contronting my life an duties was too much for me. (Depression!!!) And I had almost forgotten about it.
And I know it's not half as bad as it used to be. Still I absolutely HATE this feeling. And I wanna forget it. I don't need it anymore. I am OVER that!
So how the hell to I get rid of it now????
And I wonder what the hell I feel guilty about - in general. What is this guilt that I create myself in order to feel that way? What is the underlying cause? Any psychoanalists around?
No psychoanalyst here, but just wanted to encourage you that sometimes by just starting back at the gym, or making a good food choice you can begin to feel more in control of things. You know the Nike phrase, "Just do it."
ReplyDeleteThat's what I had to do sometimes along my own journey. Just do it. Even when I didn't want to, because I always felt a sense of accomplishment afterwards, and that helped me feel better.
I hope that you will have a better week this week!