As mentioned before, my best friend was here - and it was so great. We've known each other for 20 years, and nobody understands me better than she does. Nobody knows me better than she does.
Eating while having her around wasn't crazy, it was kinda healthy at times, but there was a little too much unhealthy snacking while watching girl-movies and crying our eyes out. And I only made it to the gym once while she was here.
So the next trip to the scale has been posponed to next weekend.
Good thing is, that only these days I have come to realize that she loves me, no matter what size I am, no matter how good or bad I look, whether I wear make-up or not. She has been around for the last 20 years, and she always will be in the furture. We were actually goofing around how we would probably have the same conversations (about how our hair looks flat...) when we're old and the hair is all grey....
But - something has been crawling up on me all these days. It seems whenever there is something good, I feel like I don't deserve good. I always figure out some subconcious way of punishing me by feeling guilty like hell. I do that a lot. Fortunately I realize this nowadays, which unfortunately does not make me change my behaviour (yet)...
-There is something important I have to mail to a person that's been waiting for it for at least a weak
-There are 2 essays that I promised to write for a friend, and the deadlines have passed, and instead of telling him, I just keep quit and hope it will go away
-I am not taking care of my financial situation which is creeping up on me, giving me sleepless nights
- There are important letters to write, because of financial stuff
-....
I feel too overwhelmed to start with anything. I just don't know how to start. I just can't. I wanna run away from this stuff and hide in a corner of my bed under the blanket until it all goes away. Which it won't of course, unless I take care of things. Grmpf...
But, I know how relieved I will be feeling AFTER I have managed things. I just need to find a frickin' way to get started!!
I can do it, right?
You can do it. I'm glad that you had a nice time with your friend. Friends like that are rare.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are overwhelmed. Maybe if you just picked one thing to get done each day that is bothering you, that would help?
Take care.