I don't know what's going on. I need help, seriously. I had the biggest binge in ages last night. And the night before that also. I feel so terrible. I feel so depressed. And I have no clue why. After the binge my body rebelled - obviously - I felt so bad. So terrible. So I went to bed after that, and slept too much. I just got up actually and it's after noon. I so hate myself right now and I am trying to fight it. I am trying to implement my new ways of thinking but all I can do is judge myself for basically everything today.
The only thing I wanted as soon as I woke up, is start eating again. Preferably greasy, fatty food - the urge was so big and I am still fighting it. I ate a nectarine and I am having a huge cup of coffee now, but this terrible feeling of needing to eat is still soooo f*cking strong. I am just trying to remind me how bad I would feel afterwards, and I am typing this in order not to binge.
I also had the weirdest dream last night, a very vivid one in which my mother was pregnant. I wonder what Freud would say to that.
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