Maybe this will help. To get it all out into writing. I just read some of your blogs and this one reminded me of another big issue of my new situation.
Everything in Amsterdam is tiny, very, very little, every available space is used up til the last corner. And so are the pubs, the restaurants, the chairs and last but not least - the people. There are rarely any overweight people here, which makes it even more difficult to be here. Makes me feel like an even bigger freak. An outlaw to society. The German fat girl in the Netherlands.
I am sooo negative tonight. Today just was such a hard day. I am still in my first week of training at work and they stuff soooo much information into my head. I was exhausted afterwards. Then I went to the bank, to sort something out and the guy couldn't have been more unfriendly. But I know how it works by now - in the beginning they (meaning Dutch people) just say 'no' to whatever you want, hoping it will make you go away. If you then beginn to ask questions and ask for information, it turns out that whatever you wanted in the first place is in fact possible. But being that persistent, taking care of myself and handling unfriendly people is sooo f**ing tough sometimes.
Usually I like the Dutch - today I don't. I still just wanna go home.
And to make it even worse, it's my birthday on Friday. And nobody knows. The only person here who would care is on vacation. And I have to work and people there don't know about it. BUT THE WORST PART IS - I WILL TURN 30! 30!!!!!!!! From Friday on I will be old. 30 years old. Unmarried. Single. No children. Not even a dog. Not even a plant yet, in my new space.
I turn 30 in less than a year! It is one of the hardest feelings to deal with - being lonely! I am feeling that way these days, and I have a husband! I hope you find some peace in your new situation. Thanks for the encouragement- I love when people can relate to what I write, and my life. Not so lonely then!
ReplyDeleteNot everything is as good as it might sound from the outside. Dogs can be overwhelming, plants die, and husbands... well you can read all about my experiences with that. Anyway. Just know that you are in a good place working on being healthier, changing your life. You can do it!!
As I go through your archives, I can't help but comment here and there because I can relate to so much. (But please don't feel obligated to respond or anything--I know these entries are old and you may feel really differently now than you did in 2009, and may not want to revisit the old issues. I understand and respect that, if that's the case.)
DeleteI wanted to tell you that I lived in Zurich, Switzerland for 2 years and felt like an absolute BEAST compared to the skinny Swiss. Like, the stereotypical fat dumb American. I attended ETH and saw beautiful women from all around Europe in my classes--German beauties, Swedish beauties, and lovely Romanians, and lovely Bulgarians, and so on--and just felt horrible comparing myself to them.
The Swiss will stare openly at anything they aren't used to (fat people, black people, mixed race couples, disabled folks; at least, this is what I observed and experienced) so many days were extremely hard for me. I could not find decent plus-size clothes there at all. I could go on and on about my years in Switzerland as a fat person.
I hope Amsterdam has become easier for you.
And I turn 30 this year! Eek!