i have just cried my eyes out like i haven't in a very long time. for one week now i am in this new city, in a new country and in a new job. my roomate has a new boyfriend and flew away to greece last minute, leaving me all to myself in my very first week. i feel so alone. i wanna go home, but i don't know where that is. in fact - this is my new home. but it sure doesn't feel like it.
don't get me wrong, this is what i wanted. i wanted to come here, to the beautiful city of amsterdam, that i fell in love with a couple of years back - but adjusting is so hard. the appartment is nice, my colleagues are nice, but there are not my friends (yet) and as soon as i leave the office this fear of being all alone creeps up on me.
i know that i have always made friends, wherever i have gone in the past, and i know that things will come with time. but right now i just want my mummy.
the good thing is, that today i actually cried instead of stuffing all the feelings down with eating like i used to do... so maybe in the end it was probably good to cry and let it all out. it sure didn't feel that good.
all i want right know is a home, a partner, a dog, my family or all of the above - just not feel so lonely...
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