So, I gained 800 gr. which is about 2 lbs. and I hate it. But I knew it before. I had the illusion as things were going quite well before I would still lose weight, being not so strict about myself. WRONG!
I have to stick to the plan. 3 meals a day, no carbs for dinner. And I need to move. I have not incorporated workouts into my day yet, although I know I have to. I have been thinking that will be the next step after losing the first bit of weight. WRONG again. I need to do both - eat less, move more. And the bit of walking from and to the train station doesn't seem to be enough. Who was I trying to fool in the first place?
This setback lets the fear of giving up crawl up on me. The thoughts of ' now it doesn't matter anyways' or 'I don't care - what the f***, I want to eat - so I eat.'
And I know why I want to eat, why I feel like shit, why I didn't go to work on Thursday and Friday. Cause things are coming to an end and I want to avoid the pain. I only have 4 more days at work, I have my last appointment with my therapist on Monday, and I hate that. I hate the feelings of leaving behind, going away, and saying goodbye. I’ve had too much of that already in my life. The excitement of the future in Amsterdam is gone; I am just stuck in the past for now.
So now what. What can I do to feel better? What can I do with this weekend, to at least enjoy it a little bit? Where do I get motivation from? I have no clue what to do with myself, apart from laundry which I also don’t feel like doing. I don't feel like working out, I don't feel like going downtown and return a shirt I bought. I don't feel like sleeping anymore. I don't feel like reading. I just want to hibernate until everything is done. I don't want to go through the change I want to avoid the hard part.
I have to stick to the plan. 3 meals a day, no carbs for dinner. And I need to move. I have not incorporated workouts into my day yet, although I know I have to. I have been thinking that will be the next step after losing the first bit of weight. WRONG again. I need to do both - eat less, move more. And the bit of walking from and to the train station doesn't seem to be enough. Who was I trying to fool in the first place?
This setback lets the fear of giving up crawl up on me. The thoughts of ' now it doesn't matter anyways' or 'I don't care - what the f***, I want to eat - so I eat.'
And I know why I want to eat, why I feel like shit, why I didn't go to work on Thursday and Friday. Cause things are coming to an end and I want to avoid the pain. I only have 4 more days at work, I have my last appointment with my therapist on Monday, and I hate that. I hate the feelings of leaving behind, going away, and saying goodbye. I’ve had too much of that already in my life. The excitement of the future in Amsterdam is gone; I am just stuck in the past for now.
So now what. What can I do to feel better? What can I do with this weekend, to at least enjoy it a little bit? Where do I get motivation from? I have no clue what to do with myself, apart from laundry which I also don’t feel like doing. I don't feel like working out, I don't feel like going downtown and return a shirt I bought. I don't feel like sleeping anymore. I don't feel like reading. I just want to hibernate until everything is done. I don't want to go through the change I want to avoid the hard part.
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