vacation

I am off work for a whole week. I guess most people would be happy about it - not me.
It freaks me out.
I have this sense of depression which I haven't felt in ages.

Everythings comes creeping up on me - when I have too much time to think. Still - time to think is what I lack when I'm all busy all the time.

So the plan was to to EVERYTHING that's need to be done in this week - so far I have accomplished nothing.

I was going to look for a new job and write applications. But I am too scared of a change - too scared of going through job interviews and competetions, too scared to put myself out there.

I was gonna take care of my finances - but I rather don't look at them and suffer in silence instead of facing the situation.

I was gonna sit down for the first time in ages and write down my feelings into my journal (which I used to to regularly) but I am too scared.

I was gonna get my bike fixed.

I was gonna go to the bank.

I was gonna go return some clothes.

I was gonna blog, catch up on reading blogs, do some commenting.

Nothing so far - just depression. I cannot handle an unstructured day. If I'm busy anyways running errands just seem to be little tasks. When I have no structure, nowhere to be every little thing that needs to be done freaks me out. I even struggled to go to the Supermarket all day.

Ususally I looove going to my Zumba-class. Today I have to force myself to leave the house and face the world.

Let's hope that will make me feel better!