I'm not blogging. I haven't been to the gym in a week and a half. I haven't seen the sun for at least the same amount of time. It's raining ALL THE TIME.
I go to work every day, I come home every night. I do laundry, I do dishes, I am bored out of my mind.

Everything was new and exciting 3 months ago. New country, new city, new job, new people. Now I got used to basically everything. No challenges, no excitement whatsoever. Just plain, regular boredom.

I wanted this, I wanted stability. Now it's freaking me out (in a boring way) because I never freak out. Because there's no reason to. I am not overly excited or scared. Nothing. I can't even seem to cry anymore because there's no reason to.

For the first time in my life I am pretty stable with everything. I work, I have a nice place, I have a gym membership. So what's next? I am so fucking bored.

My posts are never only about weightloss. They're always about what's going on with me. My psyche is very closely connected to my eating. I am not even eating crazy anymore. Barely overeating. Well, no binges most of the times. Just 2 in the last 2 months, which is 1 per month on the avarage, which is basically 29 binges less per months then a while ago. That's if you wanna break it down to the numbers.

So - no binging. No crazy feelings. No fear. No painful criticism. No judgements. No excitement. No deadlines on papers, no nothing.

I jused to be so extreme, letting deadlines pass, waking up in panic, feeling guilty and wrong all the time. Now everything is too regular, too grown up, too scheduled, too organized...

Don't get me wrong, I hated that. I hated that I was never calm on the inside. But now, I'm just so bored.

How do I fill this void? How do I continue with a reasonable, stable lifesyle without being bored by the lack of exciting big feelings. As soon as I stop hurting myself, live a reasonable lifestyle, when basically everything is in control for the first time in my life, I just can't take it.

I guess the solution is to find something exciting to fill the void, to provide what I am lacking. Any suggestions? Bungee junping or parachuting maybe... who knows. Or just falling in love would do the deed i suppose.

Maybe that's just it. Not only am I bored, I am also alone. Not generally alone, I have good friends, nice colleagues, but I don't have a partner. Haven't had one in years.

But then again, do I want to have someone in my life just to NOT be bored? Isn't that wrong?

About the eating - I even get bored by my healthy eating. I couldn't stand another vegetable this week. So I had too much pasta, too much cheese, too much meat. Ate carbs for dinner what I usually avoid. Because I got bored by regularly organized healthy meals.
And maybe because I wanted to feel bad about something. Just a little bad. Just feel a little guilty, going back a little bit with the old habits, to run away from the change that bores the heck out of me...

What can I do?